based on certain Old Testament instructions on marriage. This is totally wrong since we know that the wisdom of this world is imperfect and therefore unsuitable for Christians. Also, just as the Old Testament teachings related to tithe does not apply to Christians; it is also true that many views on marriage expressed in the Old Testament do not apply to Christians either. As followers of Christ, our beliefs concerning marriage should be entirely based on the New Testament which is the primary guide to Christian living. It should not be based on the flawed teachings arising out of worldly wisdom or on the Old Testament. As believers, all our beliefs regarding marriage need to be based on the New Testament teachings. Wisdom based on worldly experience is useless and therefore, Christ encourages us to be child-like in our demeanour (Matthew 18:3). Since that advice of Jesus continues to guide our magazines – Grace and Scripture Studies, the Bible continues to be our only guide. Even on the subject of marriage, we plan to totally give up any dependency on wisdom based on worldly experiences, but depend only on the biblical truths, and so some may find these truths difficult to accept. Therefore, we humbly request you to put aside the understanding based on your culture or your own personal experiences, and approach this subject with an open mind and read it with a child-like attitude. Only then, can this study will prove fruitful to you. This issue offers biblical advice to unmarried men and women who are on the verge of taking decisions regarding their marriage, and also to the church /elders about how to guide young people in this regard. Regrettably, this issue has no space to discuss on how to live a married life as a Christian. If the Lord permits, we hope to explore it in future.
(2) In the beginning, God created man and woman to unite, beget children, and establish their family (Genesis 2:24). That’s why, in spite of the fall of man and the entry of sin into the world, the Old Testament continued to regard marriage as a blessing. For example, consider this verse from the book of Proverbs – “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). Yes, the Old Testament does consider marriage to be a blessing and as a good thing (See Proverbs 5:18-19). That’s why, believers living in the time of the Old Testament considered marriage a blessing too. So, it is reasonably obvious that the Old Testament considers a good married life as one of the best things for a man or woman (See Psalm 128). Many times we hear such Old Testament verses being pronounced as a blessing to a Christian couple getting married. Is that correct? Certainly not! Surprisingly, the New Testament seems to contradict the Old Testament view on marriage. What is this contradiction, and what is the reason for such a contradiction is what we are to explore in this issue.
(3) Apostle Paul is credited with writing most of the epistles of the New Testament. And such an apostle, when he writes about marriage, what does he say? He says that it is better for a person to not get married because the one who marries would endure many troubles in life (See 1 Corinthians 7:1,28). What a surprise! The crux of Apostle Paul’s teaching on this subject is that, which he presents not as a command but still as a strong spiritual advice is that, marriage is not a blessing but rather a trouble for us, who are the believers in the New Testament period. This might be a difficult truth to accept for many amongst us. Yet, this is the clear teaching of the New Testament. Why does Apostle Paul give an advice that totally conflicts that of the Old Testament regarding marriage? Let us look into the explanation for that now. God gave the Law to Moses to help the imperfect man lead a virtuous life. In a few words, the Law given to Moses was about the ethics of life on the earth for 
imperfect men. That is the reason why during the Old Testament period, marriage which was an important societal institution for an earthly life was considered to be a blessing. But, it is important we realize that the baptism taken now by the people who follow Christ is not for a life on earth (See Grace – Blossom31:July10,para5). Actually, to be able to run towards the prize of heavenly resurrection, we have died in Christ through baptism to the present world (See Romans 6:3). This means that are totally dead to this world. Therefore, marriage, which is an earthly blessing, is immensely troublesome to us who are running a spiritual race. Apostle Paul explains the rationale behind this beautifully. “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Yes, for us who are the followers of Christ, the meaning of our baptism covenant is to give all our time and effort to Christ. That being the case, if a baptised individual marries, as Apostle Paul says above, he/she has to care about earthly matters for the sake of his or her spouse and henceforth marriage is indeed a troublesome thing for new creatures in Christ. Infact, the human husband-wife relationship itself is something of this earth and is earthly. Please think. To be able to focus more on our spiritual life we need to try hard to reduce the work and time spent on the duties of this world. When that is the case, how much big a responsibility is marriage! Truly, marriage is a hindrance and burden to lead a spiritual life.
(4) This is the reason why Apostle Paul’s counsel is very clear to the unmarried – “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do (Paul remained unmarried till his death)” (1 Corinthians 7:8). Are you free from such a commitment? (marriage) Do not look for a wife” (1 Corinthians 7:27). Therefore, Apostle Paul’s counsel to the unmarried is our counsel too. If you are an unmarried brother or sister, this is what Apostle Paul says to you – “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (1 Corinthians 7:28). Paul’s advice is that we should continue to live in the same state in which God called us (See 1 Corinthians 7:17). We humbly and lovingly beseech every unmarried brother and sister to consider this advice very carefully. It is certain that a married life would bring with it responsibilities and is therefore be a huge burden to our spiritual life. Marriage would indeed be a hindrance to us who wish to indulge in gospel work, church duties and also the study of the Bible without the cares of this world. Please reflect. When we are single, we can spend more time for the work of God without being concerned about spousal responsibilities. Is it possible to spend the same amount of time and have the same amount of freedom after marriage? Surely not! Isn’t it? Also, when we are unmarried and face tribulations for the sake of the gospel, as a single person we can face them boldly. But, as a married person, the same kind of boldness is difficult to come by, since marriage calls for a lot of responsibilities. But our calling is to serve Christ and face tribulations with the same boldness all the time. Marriage makes that calling difficult, isn’t it? So, it is true that marriage becomes a tribulation to us by adding worldly concerns and responsibilities, thus making it difficult for us to commit boldly to our spiritual life. Moreover, there is also the great probability of backsliding if one becomes enthralled in the marital pleasures. The pleasures of marriage though not sinful are yet of this world and could be a hindrance to our walk towards getting the crown of life. We have to keep in mind that merely by leading a worldly, sinless and happy life, it is not possible to win the heavenly blessings. Only if we suffer for Christ by doing the gospel work, can we get heavenly blessings. But, since marriage will not help us in this suffering, marriage is not beneficial to us. Instead, it will only burden our path. Therefore, since Apostle Paul has counselled us to remain in the same state as we were in when we got baptised, it is better for us to continue in the same unmarried state till the end of our life – “Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them” (1 Corinthians 7:24).
(5) This does not mean that all can remain in the unmarried state. Apostle Paul says that the ability to stay unmarried and serve God is a gift (See 1 Corinthians 7:7). But, we should also not forget that if God lead one to baptism when they were in single state, it means that there are greater chances of that person having the gift of remaining unmarried and serving God. Jesus says the same thing – “For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs (remaining unmarried) for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it” (Matthew 19:12). It is the advice of Jesus that if a person believes that he or she can remain single and serve God, then he or she should accept that. Therefore, unmarried brothers or sisters – they both need to contemplate first whether they can remain in their single state and serve God. Only after consideration of that option, should they think about the option of getting married. What we are saying is that, unlike the people of the world, marriage should not be seen as the natural and inevitable course of life for the followers of Christ. Ofcourse, no one should force them into marriage or into a single state. If they know for sure that they can remain in an unmarried state and serve God, then they need to follow that course. Paul also advises about when and why a Christian should decide to marry. “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Paul’s advice is that one needs to get married, only to avoid leading a sinful life. “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). It means that only those who think they cannot lead a sinless life without marriage must marry. So, those who think that they have self- control and can lead a sinless life without marriage, don’t need to marry. But, those who think they cannot keep control over their passions should marry. So, all single brothers and sisters must contemplate the words of Apostle Paul, and then take a decision. Even the church must encourage its youth to remain in the single state and serve the Lord for that is the strong advice of the New Testament. Unfortunately, often 
based on their personal experiences, married & elderly brothers and sisters of the church tend to advise the unmarried very differently from that of Apostle Paul’s teaching on marriage. They advise that without marriage, it would be difficult to live life in this present world, and thus discourage even those brethren who wish to remain single. It is truly a wonder how they dare to advise against the clear teachings of the New Testament and base their advice on their fallible human wisdom that is derived from mere human experience. Advice is something that can influence another’s life, and therefore as Christians we need to do it with great caution. We must be always very careful to base our counsel on the scriptures and scriptures alone. Otherwise, make no mistake, we would be worthy of God’s anger and displeasure. So, whoever we may be – whether be family members of the unmarried brother/sister in question or church elders or members, our counsel must be based only on Apostle Paul’s teaching about marriage. That is our responsibility as Christians.
(6) The advice of Paul can be difficult to accept for people of some cultures, as some cultures of the world like the Indian culture insists that all marry and tends to look at unmarried people with stigma. But we have to keep in mind that, Paul was advocating this advice in first century society, when the world was much more conservative. Thus, living in conservative cultures cannot be an excuse to ignore Paul’s advice. Also, some cultures of the world are male dominated cultures. Therefore, the churches of such places rarely give a woman the option to remain unmarried and serve God. This is very wrong, for the precepts of humankind’s worthless cultures and traditions must never be put on equal standing with the infallible words of the Bible. And also it is to be noted that, most cultures of the world have evolved based on pagan traditions and beliefs. Therefore, we should refrain from listening and giving importance to the advocates of traditions and culture. Apostle Paul says that unmarried women should also prefer remaining unmarried and serving the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:8,34,35). Therefore, if a Christian woman wishes and decides to serve the Lord by remaining single, the church needs to actively encourage her. Also, there is also the tendency among some to mock or slander or gossip about those 
brothers/sisters who remain unmarried and serve God. Slandering, Gossiping and mocking are listed as sins alongside and equivalent to prostitution and other acts against God in the Bible (See Ephesians 5:3-6). Henceforth, if such behaviour is found among the new creation, then it is very shameful indeed. As a matter of fact, we should only give high regard to those brothers and sisters who have decided to remain single for serving the Lord. That being the case, ridiculing or disrespecting them either directly or behind their backs, will only bring about the anger of the Lord on us. Particularly, it is very easy to scandalize the character of those who remain unmarried by rumour mongers. Such rumours should not be accepted easily by the church and if there are genuine accusations, then they must be dealt with based on the biblical imperative of establishing the accusations through more than one credible witness. A failure on that count should discredit rumours as we have to be aware that Satan is always trying to slander servants of God.
(7) In some cultures of the world, parents have a huge influence on the marriage decision of their children. This is true of societies like India. Henceforth, unlike worldly parents, baptised Christian parents should not compel their baptised Christian children to get married. Instead, they should tell their children about Paul‘s perspective on marriage and then give them the freedom to decide for themselves. If their children decide to remain single to serve the Lord, then those Christian parents need to respect and even appreciate that decision. Similarly the elders and other senior brothers/sisters of the church must also put their fallible and imperfect human wisdom on marriage based on their experiences on the attic and instruct the church only the advice of Paul. Sometimes, the parents of some Christian brother/sister may not be believers. Such Christian brothers and sisters may wish to remain single to serve the Lord. But, their parents may pressurize them to marry. Such brothers and sisters must not get discouraged but, meditate on Paul’s counsel and take the decision. Their decision to remain unmarried could disappoint their parents. But, pleasing Christ is more important than pleasing the relationships of the world (See Matthew 10:36-37). We, who know the truth, can be sure that on their resurrection, when they learn the truth, the now unhappy parents would be glad about the sacrifice their daughter or son made to serve the one true God. If you are one such son or daughter, comfort yourself that even though it is difficult to disappoint your parents now, they will one day attain everlasting joy. The Bible does ask children to obey parents, but that obedience is only in Christ. (See Scripture Study – Blossom2: March10,para10).
(8) Next, there will be those, who after the end of a careful consideration will deem marriage as essential for them, since they understand that they lack the self-control to remain single. Such persons should understand that it is not a sin to marry (See 1 Corinthians7:28). Then, at that stage, it becomes imperative for such brothers and sisters to ask this question –“whom should I marry?” We understood from Paul’s declaration that marriage brings tribulations. In spite of such a warning, understanding their lack of self control and their need for marriage, if a brothers or sister decides to marry then they need to advocate caution in their choice of their mate, so as to try to minimize the tribulations that will accompany marriage to their spiritual life. When one thinks about it, what becomes apparent is this – it is right and better for one who has entered the covenant of baptism to marry only one who has also entered the covenant of baptism. In fact, it would be better for those who know the true fundamental doctrines of Christ and have clearly understood the true meaning of baptism and have entered in it, not to marry those nominal Christians who do not know the true fundamental doctrines and thus have not taken a true and meaningful baptism. The truth is, there isn’t much difference between the nominal Christians and the other unbelievers of the world. A previous issue of Grace had detailed what the fundamental doctrines of Christ are (See Hebrews 6:1-2 and see Grace – Blossom27:Passover10,para4). How can anyone be a true Christian if he or she hasn’t understood what those fundamental truths are and hasn’t participated in the true baptism based on them? It’s certainly not possible! It is not wrong to marry a person who is baptised and believes in the same fundamental truths about Christ like us but differs in debatable topics like interpretations of prophecy and chronological studies. But, marrying a nominal Christian on the other hand is the same as marrying an unbeliever. Both are wrong. Therefore, we must not deceive ourselves.
(9) If despite this caution, we were to marry an unbeliever or a nominal Christian, what needs to be understood is that, we have wronged against God, and our spiritual life would certainly be very adversely affected. Apostle Paul explains the reason explicitly – “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”Therefore, “Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.” And, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, 
says the Lord Almighty” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). Here Paul opines that it is not appropriate for those who have been separated from the world through baptism to indulge in fellowship with those who haven’t been separated from the world, and advises that they should not be yoked together with the people of darkness. Since the Bible calls the union between a man and a woman as being in one flesh, it is indeed a yoking together (See Genesis 2:24). A believer should not be a participant in such an intimate bond with an unbeliever. Actually, in the above quoted passage, Apostle Paul, who was well versed in the Law symbolically illustrates this bond quoting from the Law itself – “Do not plough with an ox and a donkey yoked together” (Deuteronomy 22:10). If different animals such as an ox or a donkey are yoked together to plough the field, they both would pull in different directions and no work would get done. Likewise, in a marriage, if one knows the truth and wishes to follow God but the other person is an unbeliever or a nominal Christian, then their marriage would be full of troubles. Particularly, for the one who seeks to follow God, such a life would prove to be a huge trial. The worldly partner would seek to gain worldly goals such as wealth/property/glory. Fighting against this will be a great ordeal for us. In fact, Paul’s assertion is that we should avoid any kind of close relationship with anyone who is worldly. Therefore, marrying someone who has not participated in the true baptism is wrong according to the Bible, and as Paul says, very displeasing to God ( 2 Corinthians 6:16-18). So, let us be cautious. But, if a believer was to act wrongly and has married in that fashion, if he repents of the mistake and seeks the forgiveness of God, he or she is sure to be forgiven, and therefore can continue to run the spiritual race. But, since the marriage partner can’t be divorced, the spiritual life of such a person would be filled with much suffering and trial. Therefore, with regards to this as well, be it an elder or any other believer, it is their responsibility to provide the right counsel. No one should advise a believer to marry a nominal Christian or someone who hasn’t participated in the true baptism. It is true that the number of the truly baptised is small and therefore, it might take time to search and find a true Christian partner. For this reason only, many dare to marry nominal Christians. But, it is essential and worthwhile to be patient and marry a true Christian who will understand our spiritual path, rather than wrongly marry an unbeliever and suffer for life & even endangering our spiritual survival. Let us keep this in mind.
(10) Some plan to marry someone who has not taken the true baptism, and then lead them later into Christ. This is not only incorrect, but also Satan’s deceptive entrapment. Leading a person into baptism is not in our hands. Only those who are predestined can come into Christ. “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day” (John 6:44 and also see Romans 8:28-30). Therefore, it is incorrect to presume that we can bring someone into Christ through our efforts. Rather, there are more chances of us getting enticed into the worldly life due to their influences. In fact, the very wise Solomon himself was enticed into adopting wrong ways of the world because of his gentile marriages. And his life is a big warning that history can give to all of us. So, the counsel or teaching that should be given to brothers and sisters in Christ is that they should not marry anyone who is not baptised. When an ox and a donkey are yoked to a plough, the ox, which is stronger of the two, would pull the plough towards itself. Similarly, when a believer and an unbeliever are yoked together in a marriage, the believer who already has tribulations of the world and flesh, will now have additional tribulations in the form of an unbelieving spouse, and therefore, he or she would have more chances of being enticed by the worldly spouse rather than the other way around. Therefore, brothers and sisters who are considering marriage must marry only those who have taken the true baptism. If due to unavoidable circumstances a believer marries someone not in the faith, then they need to make sure they ask the forgiveness of God. Of course, God will forgive but, as discussed earlier, there will be much tribulation. The next question is how two believers should decide to marry. The couple must sit alone, maybe with elders or parents nearby (i.e. if there are cultural sensitivities) but at some distance so as to have privacy, and discuss what they expect from marriage. It is better to go ahead with the marriage, only if both their expectations are the same. God has endowed each one with a free will and so, be it a sister or a brother, there should be no compulsions from anyone. True Christian parents must understand this clearly! In their private discussion, among other things, it is necessary for the couple to understand, if their vision of post-marriage baptised life is similar and compatible. For example, one believer may think that having children would impede his or her baptised life, but the other might want children. Isn’t it better to discuss such issues before the marriage rather than having to grapple with them later!
(11) In this issue, we explored how a unmarried Christian must decide regarding marriage. Let us pray that God will help us set aside cultural & worldly wisdom on marriage, and accept the advice by Paul on marriage which God deems important as He has allowed it to be recorded in His Holy Book. Amen.